..passionate affair..

mood: indescribable

music: secondhand serenade - your call

The couple of weeks after Stella's wedding was almost like jet-lag making me feel sleepy and just plain tired. She went on her honeymoon and came back not too long ago so she dropped by tonight to pack up her clothes. It took her almost 3 hours just to fold her clothes into 7 huge bags. Now the clothes rag hang empty. Looks like I'll be able to pick out what to wear tomorrow with ease in the morning. But hecks, I miss her.

I miss having her around. Although we didn't talk much when she was around but nevertheless, we had that non-verbal thing going on so we were okay. Just now, just ranting and catching with her was just nice. By doing that, I realized how much in common we have about a lot of things. The things I would say, the things I would do are exactly the things she would too. Seems like we're sisters after all besides sharing each others shoe size.

I'm going to miss this but actually, I'm gonna be looking forward to more talks like this. At least we'll have stuff to talk about when we do meet up. Till then, missing you sista..xoxo,

On another note, why did I call you?

mood: crushed

music: mariah carey - bye bye

Nobody was there with her. She could have been crying out for help but the house echoed in silence. Why was she alone? When I received a text, "genie has passed" I froze. Stunt. I neglected her. I found comfort in the blue cubicles tearing my heart out. I just..she...maybe she couldn't take the pain anymore. May you rest in peace. Do doggies go to heaven?

Release? Confirm?

I sort of skipped work today. Enough said. But something keeps holding me back. I need to clarify a few things with my boss. Then we'll see how it goes.

mood: indescribable

A lot has been going on lately in my life. I've gotten myself so involved in Church, and weddings. And in addition, I've got my career to worry about. Why do I put myself in such a tight position? I think I probably need to cut some slack for myself but sometimes or rather most of the time, I cannot say NO. It's a freaking 2-letter-one-syllable-word! How hard can it be to say NO? I am trying to go on a diet and here I've got a huge chunk of meat on my plate.

And what's even better is I don't know how to resolve my issue with her. I want to say something but every time I think about how she said it without leaving me room to say anything at all, just cuts my voice out totally. I stare out into the glaring sun.

Genie isn't doing too good lately either. Her hind legs are paralyzed and apparently her front legs are giving way too. She stops eating and drinking almost totally for 2 days now. Her eye wax just keeps on forming almost blinding her, I'm lost for thoughts. Don't leave us too soon.

why do i feel so empty when you're not around? when is the mat salleh coming around, nia?

mood: listless

music: rihanna feat ne-yo - hate that i love you so

Maybe it was meant to be. I just got "demoted". In a way, I feel more relieved. At least I have less worries. My anxiety level starts fluctuating every time I think about my choices or rather the choices I'm going to make.

So many things to think about. I lost my list of priorities somewhere at the back of my not-centered-brain. What comes first? Or should I say who? *sigh*

What do I really want to do? Should I be selfish? But it's my passion. Can I just drop my commitments? Then what kind of person does that make me?

sacrifice.

Now I know why I was so happy in my university days despite everything else.



sometimes i wish dreams come true

mood: drained

The sand is slipping out of my hourglass. The hand is inching faster on the clock face. Dreamless sleeps. If I slit my wrists, I'll bet caffeine flows out.

I need to step up a notch. I need to make decisions. Life-changing ones.

I feel like I have no time for anything else. Am I doing the job right?

I'm upset. Overwhelmed by work. I wished I was back in my university days. But then, I wouldn't have met you-know-who-and-if-you-don't-too-bad.

mood: exhausted

music: kaer - izinkan ku pergi

2007 had been very memorable to me. I scraped through final year, graduated above the red line of 3, got involved in a lot of church activities, graduated from "potter and clay", hang out at the GYM, interview with TM, TM induction course, first day at work, met loads of new people, familiarizing card-giving, attending daily masses and finally ending it with a simple BBQ night with cheap 5-minute-fireworks-from-Sunway Lagoon. All I'm trying to say is, I'm glad I went through it with Jesus at my side.

I'm really really grateful for the friends that surround me 24/7. You know who you are and I love you guys so much! More importantly my family especially my parents who were always there from the start. If I don't say this often enough, I love you, Pa! I love you, Ma! I'll express to them later, no worries =D

I've been thinking too much lately but one thing's for sure, this year's resolution is definitely to slim down because my Stella's getting married this year!!! WoOT!! So I need to get into a size 10 or 8, if not she'll get another maid of honour who can fit into the dress. So yahh..=D

Cheers people! YAM SENG!

mood: enthralled

music: miss invisible - marie digby

I haven't checked in for sometime now. Things look OK at work. My boss have been treating me alright. She paid for dinner at the PJ Hilton after their meeting beforehand (I just went there to meet them to draw up a proposal =p). So yeay! Then I went to Pyramid to meet with the rest of the gang for whatever that was left of Al's farewell party. They went ice-skating earlier..=( and I couldn't make it..well duh..I was working. Of course I wished I could be there for two different reasons. =D Anyway I had to rush Johnny's that had internet connection to shoot out a proposal I was working on earlier.

Let's track back a bit, I had a wedding to organize with my sister and some things didn't go as expected. Well for one thing the video was not ready, "chi muis" not brave enough, "heng tais" was awesome, speeches longer than they should, "touch-up" makeup was not just touching-up, and having a sister who is not too happy with me. Even then, I'm glad it's all over. Period.

The week before that, the youth mass was alright I guess. I liked the way the songs were played, but somehow I think the sound technicalities didn't do the choir justice. Proud of you, millie!I would give credit for the effort put into it though, so thumbs up guys!! Everybody looked good too I must say, myself included!! =D

Been watching a whole lot of movies, speaking of which "Hitman" is a pretty damn good movie. He can come and look for me anytime. At all. =p

I need to shop for a blazer. Top priority

There's something about the air in the breeze that is making me feel not quite right. Maybe it's the November blues or something but anyhow I wished someone would be able to cheer me up instead of always belittling me. I know I'm better than that.

I haven't touched the Bible for some time now. Maybe He's calling me again. I need Him in my life. I feel so empty. Open my heart to let only Him fill that void. Amen.

mood: indescribable

music: club 8 - love in december

I'm beginning to update less and less. I'm running out of time. Or maybe all I need is motivation to get things done. Procrastination is evil. Swallowing me alive. I need to overcome this. I've got to say no to a lot of things. Choose my sacrifices. Prioritize. Easier said than done.

On another note, job training was kind of fun. We got to play around with some pretty colourful wires. We also got to follow the docket team out to the field which was really interesting. As for the training at Kelana Jaya, the transmission section was a bore. We played Sudoku all morning and dreaded going back to the office after lunch. Got through it anyway and finally into the 2-week training at MMC. 40 girls crammed in one "hall" with 4 showers to share with. How depressing. Toilets were so filthy you wouldn't feel like taking a dump no matter how urgent it was the moment before. The talks were pretty much standard. Boring. At least no really powerful speakers that left a strong impression. On top of that, we have assignments. Got nothing else to give us kah?

Lifeline just closed last friday. I feel somewhat disappointed. Nothing to look forward to already. Oh well, then I'll convert it to movie nights. =P Then again, I'm broke. In-house movie screening la. =P

I just feel like hugging someone and all my responsibilities will be gone, well at least let me forget them for awhile.

mood: chipper

So many things have happened ever since. I am now a confirmed TM staff currently undergoing training. The On-Job-Training starts tomorrow and I have no clue as to where I am posted (all of us, not just me =p). Followed by a 2-week training course @ Multimedia College (MMC) right after Hari Raya (boo hoo). But I have to admit, this batch of us are seriously fun and hip and hop! I'm glad to be in the "Bluerr Hyppo" - Lepak Giler group. LOL. Enough said.

Been down lately with petty things. I find that I don't have the patience. My voice tends to rise, my temper flaring on the verge of exploding. I'm frustrated and at the same time close to tears. Having mixed emotions doesn't do too good with all the pressure and stress already mounted on my tired shoulders. Thinking makes my brains hurt hence the headaches recently. =p

Anyway, all bad things come to an end. I felt these were all too heavy on mine so I shifted them to someone I trusted. And you know what? All is well. I'm happy again. A huge burden just lifted and I feel so much lighter. Thank you. Jesus.